why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
