Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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