I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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