god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
