I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think people are normalizing furries
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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