I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
