Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
