dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
