you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
