You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Terrible idea I love it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
