dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
