The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
