why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
