I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
