There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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