did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
