Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
