Just fell off a train. Bad.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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