I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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