My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
