The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
