So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
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She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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