the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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