i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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