If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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