I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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