he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
