Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
