Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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