No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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