roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
