There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
