she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
