hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
