i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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