she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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