i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
