You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
