its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize