I wish i was in the wii world.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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