She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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