I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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