he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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