New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
