I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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