Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
