So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
