The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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