she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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