That's intense
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
