...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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