it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
