my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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