she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
