I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
