i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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