____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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