some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize