wakey wakey hands off snakey
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
