at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
