She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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