there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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