Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
